Saturday, May 25, 2013

A Shout Out to McSami

She threw this one my way, and I figured I had to pass it on to the McNation:

Talk about McAwesome...

So the obvious question is "What's the McDealio, Donald Thompson?"  Where's America's?  I don't know what they're thinking.  Hardy's gave us the Monster Thickburger, and McDongDong's took away our Supersize (I personally blame that blasphemer, Morgan Spurlock).  I understand healthy living, but this is a free country.  If I want to eat 1400 calories of fries, don't make me order 6 larges.  Think about the McGluttons.

My last comment is a clarification on Japan Today's quote from the article, "The Mega Potato will set you back 490 yen and also cost you a large chunk of your dignity and possibly a few years of your life."  Now I can only speculate, but I assume when they say "[it will] cost you a large chunk of your dignity..." they mean if you don't finish.  Because, clearly, an individual could feel nothing but pride for eating 490 yen ($4.79) worth of pure Idaho gold.  But yes, if you fail to eat all of your fries, I agree with Japan Today, you will be mortally ashamed.  And rightly so.

I'm lovin' it,


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A McLegend is Born...

This is completely unrelated to McDonaldopoly (or is it?  what if they were combined...), but none the less had to be shared, even in the off-season:

This guy has a lot of time on his hands, writing numerous corporations?  And coming from me, that's saying something (I only write a blog idealizing ONE corporation, while sober, and occasionally send constructive criticism via email or berate customer service representatives, when thoroughly intoxicated).  But still, as a fellow soldier of the Golden Arches, the McDonaldopoly team salutes him!

I'm lovin' it,


Friday, October 12, 2012

A Super-Sized Presidential Contribution!?!?

With the Presidential Election just around the corner, I consider myself obliged to keep the populous informed, especially when it comes to our beloved McDick's.  McDonald's primarily tries to avoid the political spotlight.  But, over the years, they have silently donated money to various politicians to garner support for their business prospects. 
Fig. 1: McDonald's Political Contributions

"Big Business" historically allies with the Republican Party, and McDonald's, being in the business of making people big, is no exception (as evidenced by Fig. 1).  However, they have recently begun donating more money to Democratic campaigns.  Has McDonald's begun a shift in their political strategy?

Glenn Beck certainly thinks so.  And in a big way.  Last week on his radio show, Glenn Beck stated that McDonald's was, "...clearly in bed with President Obama, that whore in the House of Representatives [Nancy Pelosi], and probably even the whole Democratic Party."  Now what could convince Beck to take this untenable stance, other than his need to fill another hour of air-time?  Nothing other than the start of our favorite McDonald's Monopoly!  Beck said, "Their Monopoly propaganda program is a blatantly underhanded attempt to keep His Royal Highness Obama in the White House by assuaging the proletariat's worries with free fries, breakfast sandwiches, and maybe some MCR points.  Meanwhile, they're giving the economy a kick-start just before the election.  I wouldn't be surprised if their growth is responsible for the recent drop in unemployment too!"

Glenn Beck's proposed logo for McD's
While it is true that McDonaldopoly will almost assuredly single-handedly fix the economy, Glenn Beck has missed a few things.  First, McDonald's Monopoly is seasonal.  We come out every fall, nation-wide, to play McDonaldopoly, not just this year.  Second, McDonald's prizes this year include: a Beaches Resort to the Turks and Caicos or Jamaica and a Fiat.  A Fiat!?!?  Now I know for sure that no UAW worker is making those, probably just a bunch of Blackshirt Italians.  But their prizes certainly aren't geared towards promoting Democratic interests.  And finally, McDonald's colors are gold and red.  While they are the colors of fries and ketchup, they're also the color of riches and the Republican Party.  Coincidence?  I think not.

So is McDonald's secretly backing President Obama's campaign?  I'm not sure.  But I don't expect to see Ronald McDonald at any rallies anytime soon.  So make sure to examine both sides of the argument before jumping to any conclusions, and get informed because November 6th is your day to choose.  Me, personally?  I think I'm going to choose a #1, large fry with a medium coke.

I'm lovin' it.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A New Beginning

Well Gang, McGapper (saving time here by combining McGomez and McCapper into the duel threat that they really are) have already introduced the season in fine fashion. So we can skip over introductions and get straight into what you are all here for: McKyle's 2012 season!

For starters, a new season calls for a fresh start (especially after a dismal season filled with missed starts and blown pulls last season). So here are some of my changes this year (effective immediately):
1. As has been clear through this post so far, I plan to use a lot more parentheses in my posts this season...I'm trying to give back to the kids out there (who are under-utilizing the parenthetical).
2. I am changing my name from McKyle to McKresh (tax reasons).
3. My lists will always contain 3 things, even if there are only 2 real changes. (And if there are more than 3 things that will need to be said, they will be said in an extra parenthetical at the end) (There is no 4th thing this time, but this is an example of where the 4th thing on the list would go.)

But I digress...

Offseason 2012: McKresh's Medical Mishap

While taking advantage of my medical insurance this summer (see McCapper's post) and getting my annual "What toll has McDonaldopoly taken on my body now?" Physical, I was told that it was all over for my McDonaldopoly career: I had had a heart attack. The doctor told me right away this was a career ending injury for someone whose career is in eating pure cholesterol and saturated fat.

I was not prepared to take this news sitting down though, so I went in for a second opinion. What did I find? I'm not really sure. A bunch of medical stuff that eventually leads to this awesome conclusion:


This Monkey is breathing new life into my career (the cat represents my career)

However, it did lead me to this somber announcement that you might have read in the papers back in August:

"I, McKresh, have decided to make the 2012 season of McDonaldopoly my final season as an active member of the team. I will be retiring at the end of the season."

I just dropped a bomb on this blog.

A player always knows when his time has come, and for me this is that time. I'm hoping to make this final season a memorable one. I've worked hard all my life eating junk to prepare me for these arduous burger-like-substance consumption periods, but I just don't think my body is up to that task anymore. So to all my fans out there, it is time for you to stop merely observing my habits, and time to start emulating them. Get out there and find your McDonaldopoly piece today!

2012 Opening Day: A McMirrage

Over the past couple of years I have moved around quite a bit. Usually my proximity to a McDonalds is one of my first considerations, but due to mitigating circumstances, I was unable to make that a top priority and had to pick the first place I could find. Because of this, unfortunately, I now find myself outside of a 3 mile radius from the nearest McDonalds. Based on McCapper's map in his first post, I did not think this was actually something that could happen (especially in Texas!)

In addition to this distant voyage I must make to get to a McDonalds, I do not have a car. I could tell off the bat that this was going to put a damper on McKresh's final season in a McDonaldopoly jersey (pictures forthcoming? we'll see). However, through a McSmartcar sharing system in Austin, I have access to short-term rental McDonalds transportation devices at all times (Cars2go should really change their name to Get2McDonalds2go).

So on opening day of the 2012 season I rush to the nearest vehicle I can find and drive off in pursuit of a nearby McDong Dongs. Well it just so happens, I pass the brightest, cleanest, most dazzling pair of golden arches I've ever laid eyes on...and it was closer than 3 miles.

Well this had just made my day. Made my season. Or even made my career. But as I drive to turn in, I'm having trouble locating the building. I figure it must be a sign on the major road with the McDonalds tucked behind another building...or maybe it was a unique franchise run out of someones home in the adjacent residential district. All of these thoughts went racing through my head as I frantically searched for this newfound McDicks before it finally caught my attention. This was no McDonalds, it was simply a McDonalds to be...and whatever your thoughts are on when a McDonalds is truly born, at this stage it surely isn't awarding any McDonaldopoly pieces.

I had witnessed was was merely a McMirrage.

Week 1 of McDonaldopoly for McKresh: 0 pulls from McDonalds, one giant tug on my ever-loving heart.

Ba da ba ba baaaaaaa....

I'm severely disappointed.


P.S. When I finished this post it was severely devoid of pictures, hence why some of the pictures don't make much sense

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Listen to Daddy

There's no denying it's been getting rather chilly lately. Temperatures are dropping, leaves are falling, and Halloween candy is beginning to pack the aisles at your local grocery. Yep, it's Fall, and with the sudden approach of cider-season comes every American's favorite pasttime: McDonald's Monopoly.

The 2011 campaign lacked the gusto of the magical 2010 season. Averages were down, and there seemed to be an embarrassing lack of interest by the Official McDonaldopoly team. By my own admission, I think our previous success went to our heads and we lost our appetite for victory. Thankfully, we've never lost our appetite for some crispy fried, Mickey D's goodness, and now that the hangover's been properly treated (a glass of room-temp Vernors and a red/purple Flintstones vitamin usually do the trick), we are back at it and ready to show the world we are no one-year wonder. We're Ba-Da-Ba-Ba-Back!

As the youngest member of the squad, expectations have always been sky high for me. However, my production hasn't always reflected that potential. With my McDonald's runs velocities dipping each of the past two years, it was time to re-think my approach this year. Rather than swinging for medium waters for every pull, I've decided to reimagine my game with a harder-to-defend approach, spreading my pulls across all eligible food items. Big Macs, Fries, Smoothies, and Nuggs...they'll all be evenly utilized in an effort to keep those game pieces on their toes. Of course, the ol' standby will play a part, but I won't be defined by just one pull this season.

Though I relocated to Chicago in the off-season, my first play of the season took place on the road, in lovely Lebanon, IN. As part of a scouting assignment (McDonaldopoly is always on the lookout for hot, young talent...the next McGomez, if you will), I brought along 3 prospects (McMatt, McKevin, and McWill) to see just what they were made of. Though I expected a much different dynamic playing the role of "veteran mentor" for the first time in my career, I did not expect to be disrespected by my trio of newcomers.

"Chicken Nuggets? What are you five?" cackled a cocky McKevin.

McMatt and McWill soon joined in on the insolence.

"Laugh it up, greenhorns," I told them, setting up my ten-piece box for my first pull of the year, "because fundamentals are the key to this game." [Editor's Note: What McGomez actually said was, "Shut up, listen to Daddy, and eat some damn nuggets."]

Their chuckling persisted my warning, but not for long as my first pull resulted in a Major League "Free Medium Fries." Acting like I'd done it before (many times), I ate my nuggets and got ready for my pull. And while that ended up being my only hit of the night (I finished a solid 1-3), I sent a message to my mentees and the rest of the league that McGomez is bringing the discipline this year, and it's dripping with ketchup.

And what did the McProspects do? A combined 0-9, with three outs accounted for by ordering large drinks, a little league mistake. It's one thing to have a bad outing, it's another when mental lapses are the cause. Focus is key - fortunately, it's something everyone is capable of, and at all times..or is it?


1) This Flower
2) This Family
3) The Lord of the Rings Movies 
These movies are a combined 558 minutes long and they are making three more in a Hobbit trilogy. BLAH! I actually liked the cartoon The Hobbit, but that was only 77 minutes long. There's only one way to make a 77-minute cartoon into a ~600 minute trilogy: boring.

 4) Fixing Your Problem If You Can't Admit You Have One
I mean, that's just good advice. I really hope you're listening.

5) Anything Else Now That McDonaldopoly is Back!

Anyway, I return home this week, ready to take the Windy City by storm. With my new approach firmly established, and my confidence sky-high, I am eager to grab the 2012 McDonald's Monopoly season by the horns...shake 'em around...and paint 'em black. This is the year McGomez breaks through to superstardom. This is the year I become the unstoppable force I've long been predicted. This is the year I change the game forever.

Ba Da Ba Ba Baa,


Friday, October 5, 2012

Money Grubbing McManagement Postpones Opening Day

While the NHL season looks to be a lost cause, the McDonaldopoly team and management have come to a tentative agreement that will still allow for a shortened season.  Major hold-out issues included:
  • McHealthCare
  • Working Hours
  • Travel
First, with McHealthCare: if you expect us to go out there and play hard everyday, devouring near 1500 calories a game, we need some insurance.   I'm not going to be young forever; I'm at the twilight of my career.  If I go out there and clog an artery on a wicked McChicken, I need to know I'm not going to end up like Unitas--a Hall of Fame bound, record-holding legend kids look up to, and a bankrupt, broken has-been with nothing but my memories to comfort me as I wait for the cold grip of death.  Unlike the Nationals' management who is clearly interested in the well-being of their players, our management did not agree to the full calorie limit we requested, but we have been given a break allowing us to play on the McOatmeal and the Sausage McMuffin.

Second, working hours: Management will allow McHoff to DE.  His defense has been sluggish over the last few seasons and they are willing to extend his contract for the power he offers out of the designated-eater slot.  After witnessing a 21st consecutive losing season by the Pittsburgh Pirates, management has also acknowledged our need for more days off to ensure their is no historic, season-ending collapse.

Who needs Christmas lights with all these Golden Arches?
Finally, travel has been a huge contest.  In the end, while I have to drive 5 miles, I conceded the issue to management.  It came down to that little boy in South Dakota who follows our blog every day, dreaming of the chance to get to the big city, because he has to go 107 miles to a McDonald's.  That was me when I was young, and I finally got my shot.  I need to play for him.  So management, you'll get your 5 mile commute, each way, every day, but don't think for a second I'm doing it for you.

So with that, everyone, we're back!  But the layoff has hurt: 0 for 3 on my first outing.  Don't worry though, I'm just getting warmed up because we all know...

I'm lovin' it!


Monday, October 17, 2011

Day 20: McD Wins Championships

Howdy Folks!

Like all good athletes, to truly excel at your sport, you must not be physically fit, but mentally tempered.  And to mentally be the best you must study.  But to get a step up on the competition, true McDonaldopoly All-Stars don't just study the known strategies, but they innovate, searching for untried gems others are too timid to sample.  This sometimes involves going outside our own sport and looking for inspiration elsewhere. Now as you may have realized, McDonaldopoly closely parallels baseball in many aspects.  This is the story of how I cracked McDonald's new defensive strategy in 2011.

McMoneyball: Life, McDonald's, and the Art of Saving a Nickel

Last week I went to see the excellent movie, Moneyball.  And between the shots of the pensive, aging, but still sexy Brad Pitt, I found myself paying attention to the story of the movie.  The GM of the underfunded, small market Oakland A's seeks to compete against the big boys with a quarter of their salary.  He finds that OBP is a better predictor of value than batting average, and cheaper.  And if you've followed the playoffs at all, you'll know the big guns this year have been busts.  Now it comes as no surprise A-Rod was the Yankees' final out, AGAIN, but also, pitching greats Halladay and Verlander came up short.  For those who follow statistics, you'll know that recently WAR (wins above replacement) has grown in popularity, estimating a player's value based on offense AND Defense.  And that's when I realized: McDefense wins championships.  And I'm not the only one who has realized this.  If you look at McDonald's prizes this year, they've kept their 1 in 4 wins* but take note of the asterisk.  *Mostly food prizes.  Now that's the same as last year, but other than winning almost entirely medium fries (the cheapest ARV of any food prize), they've changed the food prizes.  You can no longer win "Any beef sandwich (excludes Big Mac)" (which I liked to use on the ~$6 double quarter pounder); rather you can only win "A Quarter Pounder with Cheese."  That's half the free burger I want.  And the "Free Breakfast sandwich" is nice, but they got rid of the ~$5 Steak, Egg, and Cheese Bagel: something I had never before purchased prior to last year due to its prohibitively high cost (I lived in penury in my college years.  No McWebber scandals for me.).  And although I still don't normally buy the S.E.C. Bagel, I'd love to win one.