For starters, a new season calls for a fresh start (especially after a dismal season filled with missed starts and blown pulls last season). So here are some of my changes this year (effective immediately):
1. As has been clear through this post so far, I plan to use a lot more parentheses in my posts this season...I'm trying to give back to the kids out there (who are under-utilizing the parenthetical).
2. I am changing my name from McKyle to McKresh (tax reasons).
3. My lists will always contain 3 things, even if there are only 2 real changes. (And if there are more than 3 things that will need to be said, they will be said in an extra parenthetical at the end) (There is no 4th thing this time, but this is an example of where the 4th thing on the list would go.)
But I digress...
Offseason 2012: McKresh's Medical Mishap
While taking advantage of my medical insurance this summer (see McCapper's post) and getting my annual "What toll has McDonaldopoly taken on my body now?" Physical, I was told that it was all over for my McDonaldopoly career: I had had a heart attack. The doctor told me right away this was a career ending injury for someone whose career is in eating pure cholesterol and saturated fat.
I was not prepared to take this news sitting down though, so I went in for a second opinion. What did I find? I'm not really sure. A bunch of medical stuff that eventually leads to this awesome conclusion:
I did not have a heart attack. And..............I CAN CONTINUE MY CAREER AS A PROFESSIONAL MCDONALDS EATER FOR ANOTHER YEAR
 |
| This Monkey is breathing new life into my career (the cat represents my career) |
However, it did lead me to this somber announcement that you might have read in the papers back in August:
"I, McKresh, have decided to make the 2012 season of McDonaldopoly my final season as an active member of the team. I will be retiring at the end of the season."
| I just dropped a bomb on this blog. |
A player always knows when his time has come, and for me this is that time. I'm hoping to make this final season a memorable one. I've worked hard all my life eating junk to prepare me for these arduous burger-like-substance consumption periods, but I just don't think my body is up to that task anymore. So to all my fans out there, it is time for you to stop merely observing my habits, and time to start emulating them. Get out there and find your McDonaldopoly piece today!
2012 Opening Day: A McMirrage
Over the past couple of years I have moved around quite a bit. Usually my proximity to a McDonalds is one of my first considerations, but due to mitigating circumstances, I was unable to make that a top priority and had to pick the first place I could find. Because of this, unfortunately, I now find myself outside of a 3 mile radius from the nearest McDonalds. Based on McCapper's map in his first post, I did not think this was actually something that could happen (especially in Texas!)
In addition to this distant voyage I must make to get to a McDonalds, I do not have a car. I could tell off the bat that this was going to put a damper on McKresh's final season in a McDonaldopoly jersey (pictures forthcoming? we'll see). However, through a McSmartcar sharing system in Austin, I have access to short-term rental McDonalds transportation devices at all times (Cars2go should really change their name to Get2McDonalds2go).
So on opening day of the 2012 season I rush to the nearest vehicle I can find and drive off in pursuit of a nearby McDong Dongs. Well it just so happens, I pass the brightest, cleanest, most dazzling pair of golden arches I've ever laid eyes on...and it was closer than 3 miles.
Well this had just made my day. Made my season. Or even made my career. But as I drive to turn in, I'm having trouble locating the building. I figure it must be a sign on the major road with the McDonalds tucked behind another building...or maybe it was a unique franchise run out of someones home in the adjacent residential district. All of these thoughts went racing through my head as I frantically searched for this newfound McDicks before it finally caught my attention. This was no McDonalds, it was simply a McDonalds to be...and whatever your thoughts are on when a McDonalds is truly born, at this stage it surely isn't awarding any McDonaldopoly pieces.
I had witnessed was was merely a McMirrage.
Week 1 of McDonaldopoly for McKresh: 0 pulls from McDonalds, one giant tug on my ever-loving heart.
Ba da ba ba baaaaaaa....
I'm severely disappointed.
~McKresh
P.S. When I finished this post it was severely devoid of pictures, hence why some of the pictures don't make much sense
Look McKresh (I say this with a touch of dissappointment as you will always be McKyle to me), I understand what kind of fright a doctor can give you. I get it and I don’t want you to ignore it but I do want you to consider how many people in this world get to be the best there ever has been at something. Great, you’ve already achieved that, I know, but don’t you also want to be the best there ever WILL be? Can you honestly say this isn’t worth taking some risks for? Morgan Spurlock was told by his doctor that he would die if he continued eating McDonald’s. But Spurlock ignored this advice, finished his movie and went on to have a successful career in show business. Peyton Manning was told by his doctors he wouldn’t play in the NFL again as recent as last year. Well guess what? He’s back on a new team with a $96 million contract poised to break all kinds of all time records and go down in history as one of the greatest ever QBs!
ReplyDeleteWhat is the worst case scenario here? Your heart gives out and you are remembered forever as the greatest McDonald’s Monopoly player of all time, who died doing what he loved and would have gone on to cement a career that could never be replicated if only his physical heart was as strong as his metaphorical heart! That doesn’t sound too bad to me! Or you can be the guy that was the greatest ever but gave up on his dreams because some doctor told him there were risks.
You choose!
With all due respect,
-McAnonymous
Listen McNonymous. I know this can be a tough pill to swallow. I've been beloved in this McDonaldopoly community for years (3 to be exact). But this lifestyle just isn't sustainable. I'm currently on a Greyhound in search of new locations to play at to increase my chances of winning (don't worry, story to come later). It takes a toll to play this game mentally, physically, and a third way (spiritually?) (to keep up with my general theme, I will have this extra parenthetical for a 4th thing that does not exist.) So I'm sorry if my retirement announcement has let you down, but I've gotta do what is best for me, you know? All this means is that it is time for some young people (who--like us--have too much time on their hands) to step up and start eating too much McDonalds in the hope of finding that second purple piece and winning $30 or whatever it is you get from that this year.
ReplyDeleteSo this is a message to all of you McNonymous posters out there to step your games up, get out there, and play to win.
McKresh
1) They're Brown.
Delete2) $50
3) Who are you? The McKYLE I know would never screw that up. I bet you don't even remember the name of every single Monopoly square in order anymore. Your fundamentals are going to hell.
I'm ashamed of it,
McCappo
Points well taken McCappo. I'll hit the books this weekend and rediscover my fundamentals. It is really dumb that they are brown though. I'm certainly a traditionalist in that sense.
DeleteI knew it was $50 though, I was just trying to have a dramatic effect by making it less substantial.