There's no denying it's been getting rather chilly lately. Temperatures are dropping, leaves are falling, and Halloween candy is beginning to pack the aisles at your local grocery. Yep, it's Fall, and with the sudden approach of cider-season comes every American's favorite pasttime: McDonald's Monopoly.
The 2011 campaign lacked the gusto of the magical 2010 season. Averages were down, and there seemed to be an embarrassing lack of interest by the Official McDonaldopoly team. By my own admission, I think our previous success went to our heads and we lost our appetite for victory. Thankfully, we've never lost our appetite for some crispy fried, Mickey D's goodness, and now that the hangover's been properly treated (a glass of room-temp Vernors and a red/purple Flintstones vitamin usually do the trick), we are back at it and ready to show the world we are no one-year wonder. We're Ba-Da-Ba-Ba-Back!
As the youngest member of the squad, expectations have always been sky high for me. However, my production hasn't always reflected that potential. With my McDonald's runs velocities dipping each of the past two years, it was time to re-think my approach this year. Rather than swinging for medium waters for every pull, I've decided to reimagine my game with a harder-to-defend approach, spreading my pulls across all eligible food items. Big Macs, Fries, Smoothies, and Nuggs...they'll all be evenly utilized in an effort to keep those game pieces on their toes. Of course, the ol' standby will play a part, but I won't be defined by just one pull this season.
Though I relocated to Chicago in the off-season, my first play of the season took place on the road, in lovely Lebanon, IN. As part of a scouting assignment (McDonaldopoly is always on the lookout for hot, young talent...the next McGomez, if you will), I brought along 3 prospects (McMatt, McKevin, and McWill) to see just what they were made of. Though I expected a much different dynamic playing the role of "veteran mentor" for the first time in my career, I did not expect to be disrespected by my trio of newcomers.
"Chicken Nuggets? What are you five?" cackled a cocky McKevin.
McMatt and McWill soon joined in on the insolence.
"Laugh it up, greenhorns," I told them, setting up my ten-piece box for my first pull of the year, "because fundamentals are the key to this game." [Editor's Note: What McGomez actually said was, "Shut up, listen to Daddy, and eat some damn nuggets."]
Their chuckling persisted my warning, but not for long as my first pull resulted in a Major League "Free Medium Fries." Acting like I'd done it before (many times), I ate my nuggets and got ready for my pull. And while that ended up being my only hit of the night (I finished a solid 1-3), I sent a message to my mentees and the rest of the league that McGomez is bringing the discipline this year, and it's dripping with ketchup.
And what did the McProspects do? A combined 0-9, with three outs accounted for by ordering large drinks, a little league mistake. It's one thing to have a bad outing, it's another when mental lapses are the cause. Focus is key - fortunately, it's something everyone is capable of, and at all times..or is it?
Anyway, I return home this week, ready to take the Windy City by storm. With my new approach firmly established, and my confidence sky-high, I am eager to grab the 2012 McDonald's Monopoly season by the horns...shake 'em around...and paint 'em black. This is the year McGomez breaks through to superstardom. This is the year I become the unstoppable force I've long been predicted. This is the year I change the game forever.
Ba Da Ba Ba Baa,
McGomez
The 2011 campaign lacked the gusto of the magical 2010 season. Averages were down, and there seemed to be an embarrassing lack of interest by the Official McDonaldopoly team. By my own admission, I think our previous success went to our heads and we lost our appetite for victory. Thankfully, we've never lost our appetite for some crispy fried, Mickey D's goodness, and now that the hangover's been properly treated (a glass of room-temp Vernors and a red/purple Flintstones vitamin usually do the trick), we are back at it and ready to show the world we are no one-year wonder. We're Ba-Da-Ba-Ba-Back!
As the youngest member of the squad, expectations have always been sky high for me. However, my production hasn't always reflected that potential. With my McDonald's runs velocities dipping each of the past two years, it was time to re-think my approach this year. Rather than swinging for medium waters for every pull, I've decided to reimagine my game with a harder-to-defend approach, spreading my pulls across all eligible food items. Big Macs, Fries, Smoothies, and Nuggs...they'll all be evenly utilized in an effort to keep those game pieces on their toes. Of course, the ol' standby will play a part, but I won't be defined by just one pull this season.
Though I relocated to Chicago in the off-season, my first play of the season took place on the road, in lovely Lebanon, IN. As part of a scouting assignment (McDonaldopoly is always on the lookout for hot, young talent...the next McGomez, if you will), I brought along 3 prospects (McMatt, McKevin, and McWill) to see just what they were made of. Though I expected a much different dynamic playing the role of "veteran mentor" for the first time in my career, I did not expect to be disrespected by my trio of newcomers.
"Chicken Nuggets? What are you five?" cackled a cocky McKevin.
McMatt and McWill soon joined in on the insolence.
"Laugh it up, greenhorns," I told them, setting up my ten-piece box for my first pull of the year, "because fundamentals are the key to this game." [Editor's Note: What McGomez actually said was, "Shut up, listen to Daddy, and eat some damn nuggets."]
Their chuckling persisted my warning, but not for long as my first pull resulted in a Major League "Free Medium Fries." Acting like I'd done it before (many times), I ate my nuggets and got ready for my pull. And while that ended up being my only hit of the night (I finished a solid 1-3), I sent a message to my mentees and the rest of the league that McGomez is bringing the discipline this year, and it's dripping with ketchup.
And what did the McProspects do? A combined 0-9, with three outs accounted for by ordering large drinks, a little league mistake. It's one thing to have a bad outing, it's another when mental lapses are the cause. Focus is key - fortunately, it's something everyone is capable of, and at all times..or is it?
McGOMEZ's TOP 5 THINGS ONE SIMPLY CANNOT FOCUS ON:1) This Flower
2) This Family
3) The Lord of the Rings MoviesThese movies are a combined 558 minutes long and they are making three more in a Hobbit trilogy. BLAH! I actually liked the cartoon The Hobbit, but that was only 77 minutes long. There's only one way to make a 77-minute cartoon into a ~600 minute trilogy: boring.
4) Fixing Your Problem If You Can't Admit You Have OneI mean, that's just good advice. I really hope you're listening.5) Anything Else Now That McDonaldopoly is Back!
Anyway, I return home this week, ready to take the Windy City by storm. With my new approach firmly established, and my confidence sky-high, I am eager to grab the 2012 McDonald's Monopoly season by the horns...shake 'em around...and paint 'em black. This is the year McGomez breaks through to superstardom. This is the year I become the unstoppable force I've long been predicted. This is the year I change the game forever.
Ba Da Ba Ba Baa,
McGomez
LOL McGomez, how can you possibly take yourself seriously when you've got Mcrecruits buying large sodas right under your nose. This is your McTeam and you're gonna have to have someone to substitute in when you're stuck on the pot with McDiarrhea. You gotta get your Mchead in the game man or you're looking at a disastrous season! You can't do it all yourself! After all, Michael Jordan wouldn't have won crap if he had played for the Clippers!
ReplyDelete-McAnonymous
I was waiting for my order to be filled when I heard the McError committed by my McRecruits. Taking on more of a pedagogical role, I focused my efforts on the pre-game pep talk, urging that they pay close attention to which items were and were not in play this season. They defied my wisdom anyways. Could I have cut them off in mid-McSuperSize? Sure. Would that have taught them anything? I'll leave that up to the fans.
DeleteI always have this persistent fear that you guys will just stop updating, even if only a little bit each season (the game has really gone downhill from 2010, I'll say). Good to see you're bringing fresh blood into the team - I'll even forgive them the large sodas this one time. If I go to my home field at the right time the cashier will ring me up for a large #1 and slip me a medium cup, so at least there's that. I haven't had any luck with medium waters. Maybe my region is smart, but every place seems to have caught on and gives out the small McCafe cups (with no pieces) even if you ask for a medium water.
ReplyDeleteAgreed with McAnonymous, you need to whip those guys into shape.
Let's not get too ahead of ourselves McAnonymous, Jr. - the McRecruits haven't made the squad quite yet. However, we are in negotiations to bring in a wily veteran who could be introduced any day now so STAY TUNED!
DeleteAnd I feel your pain on the medium waters. It gets more and more difficult each season but let's make a pact to stay persistent!
Why isn't there a button under the reaction thing for McCreepy? That is what this post's title is...straight McCreepy.
ReplyDeleteIn the spirit of name changes, should McGomez change his to McSandusky?
DeleteI'm not lovin' it that much,
McCappo
Put it to a poll.
DeleteI didn't realize the backlash that this article received when I published it last October. I still don't see how it's THAT McCreepy. I think you're all McReaching on this one.
ReplyDelete