Texas: The Home of McBeef

Hey Y'all,

McKyle here, reporting from the Beef Capital of America. I know you are all wondering why I would possibly leave Michigan after having such a fantastic (MVP caliber--if I do say so myself) rookie season. Well, folks, Texas was just offering opportunities for championships that Michigan couldn't offer me this year. Unfortunately, I underestimated the level of competition down here.

My first trip to a Texas McDong Dongs was not a successful one. Wandering about a new city, I was not sure what the best bet was for my first trip. So I ventured east of I-35, figuring it was a little closer to home than the rest. I had numerous at bats and just couldn't get my swing going early in the season.

It really is true, everything is bigger in Texas, including the odds of not winning apparently. My first order was a 10-Piece meal. But Big 12 (pound gain) country is not favorable to that Big 10-piece nation, and they made it clear in my game pieces. 6 pieces were shaped like Texas and the other 4 said "We hate you and you will lose." While at first I thought about taking this to the McDonaldopoly officials, I realized this is the kind of stuff a pro has to play through and decided to power through it. But low and behold, the nuggets spoke truth.

I went a mere 1 for 5 in game one (in addition to my meal I was able to obtain 15 cent medium waters, but more on that next). My one win was a big one though, garnering a free smoothie. But one clutch hit will not make up for 4 strike outs. This has been weighing on my mind and it might be necessary to go on the personal grievance list...but the coaches don't want wimps, so I will just have to power through.

Now to the water. I was surprised to get 15 cent waters at all in Texas, don't get me wrong. I mean, the drought we are suffering is the worst in over 100 years, so water is a scarce commodity. What really irked me though, was that the drive-thru worker refused to tell me the price until I got to the window. This certainly seems like foul play. I understand the hazing by the nuggets. I understand the dirty looks when I walk into an away McDonald's. But price hiding? Come on, that is just an unwritten rule that you don't do that. The price-hiding-gate is a tragedy to the game, and the league is investigating (not that their incompetence can manage to figure out the evidence). Whatever. Fine me....

Thanks for all the support during this rough time in my career. I have the best fans in the world. Follow me on twitter!

KThxBye!

McKyle

McChair Disaster

Howdy McPlebians,

I hope everyone has survived the off season without us McHeroes here on the blog. But not to fear, McDonald's has been doing great in terms of adding value. Check out this article tooting their horn.

I, McHoff, have been trying to get a job, and thus have

been eating lots of food at corporate networking sessions. Let me just say that business school catering does not hold a candle to McDonald's. Never the less, last night I got my first taste of the sweet nectar of life....Story? story.

Living in a new home this year with 5 McRecruits is a high pressure situation. I have been given the tough task of grooming these 5 fresh bodies to condition them for the McTeam next year. As such, they will be attending many of my McTrips as pinch hitters. So last night, I made my way to the classic East Stadium McDonald's with two greenhorns. We rolled through the drive-thru at about 11:45 pm per usual. To my behest, the donks at the McDonald's would not sell us medium waters as they did last year. They must have some McManager on a power trip or some

bulls*^$. Not only would they not sell them to us for the token 24 cents, they would not even sell them to us for any amount of money. Apparently this lonesome McDonald's has small waters (free) and large waters(40 cents). #cheapskates. Speaking of hash tags, the McTeam will be tweeting in the near future...stay tuned.

Back to the story I ordered up a 10 piece nugget and a large fry, the pinch hitters did the same. As it was opening night, we had to wait to peel from the home stadium. Arriving home, the pinch hitters went 0-3 which was to be expected as they pulled all their pieces off immediately. Remember, fortune favors the patient. Being the veteran that I am, I slowly pulled my pieces with fry consumption intermixed. I managed to pull a free medium fry and start the season off 1-3...not bad considering my slump last year. But just wait for the kicker to this story.

Literally, 1 McSecond after downing my last fry, the chair I was sitting in collapsed. This was just

a little reminder that McDonald's does add on the pounds. Maybe next time I will go for the McOatmeal (which has pieces this season)....

Don't believe that my McDonalds infused body broke a chair? Picture? Picture.

Opening Day: It's Good to be Back!

Oh yeah!  Finally, it's that wonderful time of year again: McDonaldopoly.  I hope you've all missed us as much as we've missed eating 4,000+ calories a day.

Off-Season Updates:

So for those of you who didn't follow the team last year or maybe missed a few games, I'll fill you in on some of the team moves.  Last year the team was competing in the MCD (McDonaldopoly Collegiate Division); and while we failed to run away with the league as pre-season  experts predicted, we were still pleased with the performance.  However, as with any college sport, teams change as players graduate or, as in my case, go pro to make the big bucks.  So as our fans seemed to care more for the players than the overall team, we decided to continue coverage of the various leagues we've moved on to.

McHoff, being red-shirted  his freshman year, stuck it out at U of M in the Big 10...Piece division.  He's hoping to take the experience gained from last year and rebound into an All-American.

McKyle, after an amazing Freshman All-American run last year, decided to move to Texas for personal reasons where he looks to capture a national championship playing out his remaining 3 years of eligibility with the Longhorn Beef Patties in the Big 12 (named for the pounds you gain per season).


McGomez went pro, but after being drafted has as of yet failed to negotiate a contract.  (As we all remember, McGomez, while loved in the clubhouse, often clashed with management.)

I, myself (McCappo), signed a moderate minor league contract in the SEC (Southern Eating Conference) where I hope to have great success before making it to the bigs.

And, a new player this year, freshly recruited from China: McHinck.  McHinck hoped to work out a deal last year to get into the league, but couldn't make it happen.  This year he's pumped to be representing Central Michigan University in the MAC (I don't need to explain this conference name).  Fry it up, Chips!

Let's Play Ball!

So, without further ado, let me tell you about this season's opening game:

It's Grade A Goodness!

Always the early riser, I hit up Mickey D's on my way into the clubhouse for breakfast, just to test the waters.  I ordered a large coffee and two medium waters, only to find the refs claim that South of the Mason-Dixon line McMedium waters cost a $1.70.  Hold the phone.  What are these backyard rules you're playing at, Charleston?  But I let it slide.  My first game wasn't the time to make a stink.  So I just got the coffee and figured I'd hit them up again for lunch.  But wait.  The coffee doesn't have a game piece either?  This is some Grade A, Oscar Mayer, Bologna.  But still I restrained myself, trying to make a good impression on management.


So after the sacrifice bunt in my first professional appearance, I was really amped up the second time around.  So I started the second game off with a Big Mac.  No holes barred, I was swinging for the fences.  But I still conservatively chose not to go for another failed medium water play, but instead hit the large meal up (to get the double pull on the fries) but swapped my drink for an iced-coffee.  Those jokers think a large fry, having two pieces, makes up for the large drink not having any.  I respectfully disagree.  By getting a McCafe you add an additional pull for only $0.69.  Not bad. 

I do have the best butt, but I still need
to know how to kiss...the right way.

But as eager as I was, I was a little worried about being rusty after a long off-season.  I shouldn't have been.  I started off with a solid Red Box pull from the Big Mac, not a bad deal now that there's a Red Box right across the street from me.  Then after a ground out on the fries' first pull, hit another solid single with 30 MCR points.  And even after an 0-for on the drink, I finished with a respectable 2 for 4 day.  A good day.  But wait, I practice what I preach.  And as I keep telling all those play-at-home fans out there, make the most out of every play.  I went back to the clubhouse and entered my codes online.  And although you aren't allowed to get a running head start anymore, you get 5 bonus sweepstakes entries for every 5 game codes you enter.  I think the commissioner may have got this one right.  But in addition to the bonus entries, I continued the season off right with a 5 for 10 online appearance, winning another 150 MCR points.  That's already a free subscription to Seventeen Magazine.  And since I was going to buy that anyway, that's like a free $10!  (I get a renewal discount  So folks, I hope you had as joyous an opening day as me, because I'm back, and

I'm Lovin' it!

McCappo