Listen to Daddy

There's no denying it's been getting rather chilly lately. Temperatures are dropping, leaves are falling, and Halloween candy is beginning to pack the aisles at your local grocery. Yep, it's Fall, and with the sudden approach of cider-season comes every American's favorite pasttime: McDonald's Monopoly.

The 2011 campaign lacked the gusto of the magical 2010 season. Averages were down, and there seemed to be an embarrassing lack of interest by the Official McDonaldopoly team. By my own admission, I think our previous success went to our heads and we lost our appetite for victory. Thankfully, we've never lost our appetite for some crispy fried, Mickey D's goodness, and now that the hangover's been properly treated (a glass of room-temp Vernors and a red/purple Flintstones vitamin usually do the trick), we are back at it and ready to show the world we are no one-year wonder. We're Ba-Da-Ba-Ba-Back!

As the youngest member of the squad, expectations have always been sky high for me. However, my production hasn't always reflected that potential. With my McDonald's runs velocities dipping each of the past two years, it was time to re-think my approach this year. Rather than swinging for medium waters for every pull, I've decided to reimagine my game with a harder-to-defend approach, spreading my pulls across all eligible food items. Big Macs, Fries, Smoothies, and Nuggs...they'll all be evenly utilized in an effort to keep those game pieces on their toes. Of course, the ol' standby will play a part, but I won't be defined by just one pull this season.

Though I relocated to Chicago in the off-season, my first play of the season took place on the road, in lovely Lebanon, IN. As part of a scouting assignment (McDonaldopoly is always on the lookout for hot, young talent...the next McGomez, if you will), I brought along 3 prospects (McMatt, McKevin, and McWill) to see just what they were made of. Though I expected a much different dynamic playing the role of "veteran mentor" for the first time in my career, I did not expect to be disrespected by my trio of newcomers.

"Chicken Nuggets? What are you five?" cackled a cocky McKevin.

McMatt and McWill soon joined in on the insolence.

"Laugh it up, greenhorns," I told them, setting up my ten-piece box for my first pull of the year, "because fundamentals are the key to this game." [Editor's Note: What McGomez actually said was, "Shut up, listen to Daddy, and eat some damn nuggets."]

Their chuckling persisted my warning, but not for long as my first pull resulted in a Major League "Free Medium Fries." Acting like I'd done it before (many times), I ate my nuggets and got ready for my pull. And while that ended up being my only hit of the night (I finished a solid 1-3), I sent a message to my mentees and the rest of the league that McGomez is bringing the discipline this year, and it's dripping with ketchup.

And what did the McProspects do? A combined 0-9, with three outs accounted for by ordering large drinks, a little league mistake. It's one thing to have a bad outing, it's another when mental lapses are the cause. Focus is key - fortunately, it's something everyone is capable of, and at all times..or is it?

McGOMEZ's TOP 5 THINGS ONE SIMPLY CANNOT FOCUS ON:

1) This Flower

 

2) This Family

 

3) The Lord of the Rings Movies 

These movies are a combined 558 minutes long and they are making three more in a Hobbit trilogy. BLAH! I actually liked the cartoon The Hobbit, but that was only 77 minutes long. There's only one way to make a 77-minute cartoon into a ~600 minute trilogy: boring.

 4) Fixing Your Problem If You Can't Admit You Have One

I mean, that's just good advice. I really hope you're listening.

 

5) Anything Else Now That McDonaldopoly is Back!

 

Anyway, I return home this week, ready to take the Windy City by storm. With my new approach firmly established, and my confidence sky-high, I am eager to grab the 2012 McDonald's Monopoly season by the horns...shake 'em around...and paint 'em black. This is the year McGomez breaks through to superstardom. This is the year I become the unstoppable force I've long been predicted. This is the year I change the game forever.

Ba Da Ba Ba Baa,

McGomez

Heavy Waits

My most recent trip to McDonald's was disappointing to say the least. Did I get food poisoning from an undercooked McDouble? No. Did I get bloated from an overly-salted batch of fries? Nuh-uh. Did my car get broken into whilst I dug into my not second, but third delicious fruit 'n yogurt parfait? Negatory. Nope, because my kind of disappointment came in the form of disrespect. It doesn't matter how I was disrespected - the fact that I was disrespected at all should be enough to get one's blood a boilin' - but I'm going to tell you, my loyal readers, "how" anyway...

I...McGomez...lover of all things McGood and pious...had to wait in line for almost six minutes!

Now you've gotta be thinking, "But McGomez, McDonald's is McWorth the wait! Surely six minutes out of your surprisingly busy day is nothing to get sore over!"

You'd think that...oh, you'd think that...But when they finally gave me my food MY FRIES WERE COLD!!!

I am no longer a rookie yet I am still the youngest member of the team which means I have amongst the highest upside in the circuit and I am currently leading the batting race this season, hitting a majestic .455 (Note: No McDonaldopolite has ever hit .400 in a season). What more do I have to do to get some calls every once in a while? I understand that sometimes the drive-thru lines get backed up. Okay, I get that. But if one of your workers, McDonald's, sees me pull into line on one of your security cameras - which I know you are supposed to check regularly - I expect to be immediately bumped up to 1st or 2nd in line, depending on whether or not McCappo was one of the cars in front of me or not. And to top it off by giving me a sub-par food product...like I said, disappointing.

But I don't blame all McDonald's for wasting my time, just the evil one that made me wait. And, I mean, I still went 1-3 on my pulls that night so it wasn't like the experience rattled me or anything...it really didn't frustrate me until my bedtime introspective thought sessions later that night. It's just...they wasted my time after I made time for them. It hurts me (in my heart). But, being the optimist that I am, I have decided to turn this negative into a positive. Next time I am forced to wait in line, it won't be a waste of time, because I have accumulated an extensive list of 6-minute activities that I can do while I wait. And wouldn't ya know it, I have sorted through them all for only the best answers so that I can include in...

McGOMEZ's TOP 5 THINGS TO DO DURING SIX-MINUTE WAITS:

1) Learn how to play the maracas! The maracas (known as "Shac-Shacs" in Trinidad) are a very common rhythm instrument in Latin American music. Though not as difficult an instrument to learn as, say, the frumpet, it is still rather trickier than most would expect, taking around six minutes to get used to anticipating the rhythms. And for our Gringo readers, don't think that just because you aren't Latino that you can't play maracas. One of the greatest Maracaists of all time, Mako, was actually Japanese!

2) Watch the infamous dinner scene from The Nutty Professor (1996)! While it's true that the entire scene is only about 4 and 1/2 minutes long, you'll definitely need that extra 90 seconds to "flex your muscles" ("Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!") and stop yourself from laughing in time to finally place your order loud and clear.

3) Compete in Major League Eating's World Chili-Eating Championship! Apparently, it's rare when MLE holds a chili-eating contest so even if you aren't up to the chowing chili challenge, this is still a must-see event. The rules are simple: whoever eats the most Ben's Chili in 6 minutes is declared the winner. It takes place this Sunday, October 9 at Taste of D.C in the nation's capital. See you there!

4) Give someone a hug! It's true that giving someone a hug won't take you six minutes. It would be inappropriate if it did. But think of the scenario...You are sitting in the drive-thru line at McDonald's. Can you give the guy who's ordering a hug? No, he's busy. Can you give anyone else who's waiting in line a hug? Maybe, but chances are they are going to be a little apprehensive about letting a stranger rapping on their car window put their arms around their body (and rightfully so). Your only real option is to get out of the car, go inside, and ask someone if you can hug them. Some people will be as apprehensive as those waiting in their cars, but someone will bite. With getting out of your car, doing the hug, then getting back into your car, plan for about six minutes.

5) 5 Minutes of Funk! For those of you who have yet to indulge in Whodini's golden oldie party anthem, I fully recommend it. I'm not going to tell you to go out and buy it right away, though. Really you should go out and preview it first. After you listen to Rhapsody's 30-second preview and decide that you are ready to funk, you can go ahead and buy the full version which, ironically is 5 minutes and 30 seconds of funk bringing our total listening experience to, that's right, 6 minutes. That's 6 Minutes of Funk. You're welcome.

So next time you roll up in your whip and find yourself caught in a six-minute pickle, you have a few options to keep yourself occupied with. Be wise. Don't let them waste your time. Be prepared for anything during your next McDonald's visit...you won't regret it...these guys certainly won't.



Ba Da Ba Ba Baa,

McGomez

McGomez's Barnstormin' Bonanza!

Greetings from the fabulous 'burbs of Motown. After a tumultuous season in 2010 that saw me get off to a rough start (an 0-fer on Opening Day '10), get hot as we approached the All-Star Break (.375 to lead the team as of 10/12/10), and slump down the stretch (.274 final average, 3rd on the team and only .002 higher than the pinch hitters) I endured a stringent off-season program to ensure that this year I'll be in it for the long haul. No more excuses like "My body is rejecting all this grease" or "Oh no! The lack of Vegetables in my McDonald's-heavy diet has robbed me of essential vitamins and minerals that are essential for healthy bodily functions such as eyesight, remaining fertile, and/or preventing scurvy!" No siree, I've trained myself this season to be a reliable force in the lineup from Day 1 to Day 28.

"How did you do that?" you ask. Well, my eager disciples, I'm going to throw you a bone and generously give you...

McGOMEZ's TOP 5 WAYS HE GOT READY FOR THE 2011 McDONALDOPOLY SEASON:

1) In order to expand my stomach to help with those pesky breakfast sandwiches that gave me fits last season, I have made an addition to my daily diet: Oreos and Peanut Butter. Yes, folks, the classic cookie combo made popular by the Lindsay Lohan version of Disney's The Parent Trap has found it's way into my food rotation and I have to say, my girth is now great enough to handle two Double Quarter Pounders with cheese...in one sitting.

2) I watched re-runs of every NASCAR race from 1995-2000 (they were available for a limited time on stream-only Netflix last June) just to get a glimpse of Bill Elliott's famed #94 McDonald's Ford Taurus. Unfortunately, Elliott didn't win a single race during that span, which accounted for 6 out of the 7 winless years in his Hall of Fame, 24-year full-time racing career. Some could blame his McDonald's sponsorship for bringing bad luck to him on the track, but I attribute his poor performance riding under the arches to selfless promotion of a worthy cause. You see, the slower he raced, the longer race fans could see his red and yellow vehicle on the track, bringing greater McDonald's awareness to podunk towns all across the Southern U.S. and Indiana.

3) I watched a lot of Space Jam. For those of you who didn't follow the team last year, Space Jam is indeed my favorite thing...ever. It excites me. It motivates me. It makes me feel good about myself. 90% of this game is having the willpower to continue going to McDonald's on a regular basis after girls start judging you for it. But that other 10% is confidence and I get my confidence from watching Space Jam. I watched a lot of Space Jam, ergo I have a lot of confidence. Ba-da-bing Ba-da-boom: I believe that I'm primed for a big year.

4) I wrote a book over the summer. It is a 350+ page fiction novel about a six-year-old girl who wears oven mitts, wants to dissect frogs, and talks to a stuffed dog toy (it's about other stuff, too). It helped prepare me for this, though, by teaching me commitment. I had to COMMIT to writing a book just like I have to COMMIT to McDonald's Monopoly. If I want to avoid a repeat of last year's Frygate, I have to be 100% dedicated, which I can proudly say I am.

5) I stayed away from McDonald's. I ate lots of fruits and veggies (cauliflower especially, yum!) and exercised regularly. I made my body healthy and my doctor's couldn't be prouder. And you know what? I am craving McDonald's like a white cartoon rabbit with eyebrows craves Trix (Leave a comment if you did(n't) get that reference!)

After I got myself into the best possible shape for this season, I was ready to put my off-season workouts to the test. However, eager to showcase my preparedness to as many people as possible, I decided to barnstorm to as many McDonald's locations as I could in the first few days. After scouting out different possible locations, I decided on two locations in Royal Oak, MI (one was next to a factory!) and one in Clawson.

Opening Day (9/27) saw me tackle the non-factory Royal Oak Mickey D's and I ordered my ol' standby 10-piece and fries and went an impressive 2-3. This was a charming location with a friendly wait staff and an eager customer base. Apparently, I wasn't the only one winning big as I heard an ecstatic co-customer exclaim "Yes! Free Fries!" These are the moments I live for.

The following day (9/28) I hit up the Factory McDonald's. Constructed right next to, you guessed it, a factory, this location was likely built to accommodate hungry workers who had very little in the way of lunch time. This was probably the reason my service was so darn speedy on this night...I had barely muttered my order when it was placed hot and ready in my hands (*NOTE* I am in no way endorsing Little Caesar's Pizza with that last statement). I fed off of the workers' energy and was able to pull a respectable 1-3 off of another 10-piece and Fries.

The first day of October proved to be my final day in my opening week barnstorm as I decided to make my highly-anticipated appearance in sleepy Clawson, MI's McDonald's. The fans came out in droves to see me place my order and I can honestly say I was surprised that extra crowd control was not called in to corral the unruly masses. Either way, I went a different route in Clawson (figured I'd give 'em a show - Lord knows they deserve one in this stinker of an economy). I ordered a Big Mac and Medium Water (they charged me a buck twenty-five, those cheap scoundrels) and went 1-2.

When the cheers had subsided and the results tallied, as the first week of McDonaldopoly '11 came to a close, McGomez was hitting a scintillating .500! Those numbers are too good for even the Hall of Fame!

Now, I know what you're thinking, "There's no way he keeps up this pace." Have you paid attention at all!? This is no fluke. This is what I trained to do. All of that hard work I put in was for these 28 days and I'll be damned if these aren't the greatest 28 days any of y'all have ever seen (with the exception of most February's). Peace, Love, And Rock n' Roll, suckas.

Ba Da Ba Ba Baa,

McGomez

The End of the 2010 Season

Whenever you start something as far-fetched as McDonaldopoly, it's hard to tell what will come of it. Will anybody read it? Will they think it's funny? Will they follow us? Will anybody care?

As I recount the past month of McDonald's Monopoly, I realize that I gained so much more than the memories of driving to our home "Stadium" 10 minutes until close every night, ordering 20 medium waters + $17 of free food we won off of the previous week's trips, and returning home to pull our game pieces. Actually, that's all I gained because I had been playing 2 hours of water polo everyday so I burned off all those calories. Hey, how ya feelin' McHoff, McKyle, & McCappo?
Over the weekend, I traveled to Purdue University for a water polo tournament, and my other team stopped off at a McDonald's in La Grange, IN on the way down. Mind you, it was the final weekend of the granddaddy of all McPromotions, and the La Grangians came in droves for the occasion. This provided a very positive atmosphere to play in, which is key when you're playing a road game. While they denied me a medium water purchase, they couldn't hinder the rest of my plays, as I went 2-3 amongst the Hoosiers to bring my season average up to a respectable .274.

Upon returning to the Dirty Deuce (Ann Arbor for our out-of-state readers), I met up with the team for one final match on Monday, November 1st - the last day of McDonald's Monopoly 2010.

Having learned a few days earlier that the Stadium McDonald's had "run out" of medium drinks with monopoly pieces on them (I wonder why?), we turned to the Ypsi McDonald's for our last hurrah.

After we each put in our orders for our last batch of free food items we had won, McCappo asked for "20 medium waters, please."

"Whaaaaat!?!?!?"

The cashier clearly had not been briefed on our high skill levels, but he put in the order nonetheless. After we got through the paying portion of the journey, we headed for the pick-up window, where we were greeted by 20 small waters. Aw, hell no.

So we drove back around to clarify the situation only receive 20 medium waters sans pieces from quite the unappreciative worker. After all we have done for McD's, we are still getting grief from them. I'm telling you, they should seriously consider adopting a McDonald's version of the Starbuck's gold card just for us - we've earned it.

We actually tried going to the Washtenaw McDonald's after our disheartening Ypsi visit, but we were unable to obtain any pieces there, either. With our resources all dried out, we came to a sad conclusion: our run...was done.

I'm gonna let the McOthers handle the final statistical breakdown of this season, but I would like to turn your focus (for now) towards next season. As such, I would like to introduce to you...

McGOMEZ's TOP 5 PREDICTIONS FOR 2011 McDONALDOPOLY:
1) McHoff will rebound from his disappointing 2010 campaign only to have his highlight reel pull of Ventnor Avenue voided after the tapes reveal he had worked in an area McDonald's over the off-season.

2) McKyle will retire at the end of the season when rehabbing his every-growing hips proves to be more difficult than initially assumed. However, midway through the 2011 season, when McChieber - McKyle's replacement - is charged as an accessory to the Hamburglar's horrendous Harrisburg Happy Meal Heist, McKyle Brett Farves it out of retirement to bat .387 down the stretch.

3) McCappo, upon overcoming his addiction to McDonald's, becomes a spokesperson for the fast-food awareness organization Cholesterol Unawareness is Maddening...and no one really believes him.

4) McGomez tries to overcome his PR flap in 2010 (see Frygate) by batting over .400 for the first 3 weeks of the season. However, a visit to a local improv comedy show ends in a busted gut for McGomez and an abrupt ending to his fairy tale season. However, his pre-injury performace regains his favor with the fans and his jersey sales go through the roof.

5) We still won't understand why we are doing this.

Well, that's the end of the 2010 season. I hope you enjoyed watching as much as we enjoyed playing. Don't leave us just yet, though, because there is plenty of shocking statistical analysis to follow. In addition, stay tuned as we are sure to explore other easy-to-obsess-over activities until the start of the 2011 McDonaldopoly season.

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaa,

McGomez

Day 24: Down the Stretch We Come

With my 1-game suspension served, I was back in action this past Tuesday, and was eager to show my disgruntled fans that McGomez was fully committed to this team. Unfortunately, I didn't experience the level of support I had enjoyed before Frygate. During every single one of my pulls, I was serenaded with a bevy of boos. Though I am a professional, the insistent heckling took a toll on my psyche and adversely affected my play.

I went an unfortunate 0-6 in my first game as a cleared man, dipping my season average to a very pedestrian .267. I know I have had an up and down first full season, but I am the youngest member of the team chock full of potential. McCappo and McKyle are wily veterans, but the truth is, they are on the downside of their careers, and their numbers will drop.

Just look at the eldest member of the team, McHoff. Last season, as a ripe, young 21-year-old, McHoff held a team-leading average of .354 - a full .250 above this years average (.104 through 10/28). It is clear that 21 is the peak year for McDonaldopoly players, an age currently held by both McCappo and McKyle. I am only 20, so I haven't even hit my prime. Next season, the team's going to be relying on me, and if I'm going to live up to the expectations, I will need the fans full support behind me.

Well, not ready to call this season a loss, I went back and reviewed some tape from the first few weeks (when I was pullin in the .350s) and discovered that I was a switch-pulling (first pull comes from either the left or the right game piece) back then whereas I was pulling lefty (first pull comes only from the left game piece) when I went 0-6. So I went back to switch-pulling yesterday and was rewarded for the extra time I put in, going 3-9 with 2 Snack Wraps and a McFlurry.

From a mental standpoint, it was great to follow up my most disappointing performance of the season with a solid performance. However, as we enter the stretch run, I plead to the fanbase to fully support the McDonaldopoly team in our quest for success. How can you do that? I'm going to tell you:

McGOMEZ's TOP 5 WAYS TO SUPPORT McDONALDOPOLY
DOWN THE STRETCH:
1) Change your name on Facebook (or MySpace, Xanga, Livejournal, etc.) to include the "Mc" prefix. For example, "Barack Obama = Barack McObama," "Mickey Mouse = Mickey McMouse," "Ronald McDonald = Ronald McMcDonald."
2) Donate $0.24 (via the paypal link at the top of the page) to the team towards the purchase of medium waters. We've been spending way too much money on McDonald's this month and could use the financial support.
3) Go to McDonald's and order 4 medium waters per person. This will show McDonald's that no one is fading down the stretch, and everyone is behind the McDonaldopoly Movement.
4) While you're at it, duplicate the entire McDonaldopoly team's nightly routine. At 11:30pm, pile into your "team bus" and head out to your local McDonald's of choice. After you redeem your free food items and buy your medium waters, head back home, consume your McFood&Drink, and watch reruns of Boy Meets World.
5) Be one of us for HALLOWEEN!!!!!
You could be...

McCappo





Look how happy he is!







McGomez





Just a little slurp-slurp







McKyle





Guns aren't toys, McKyle, not even fake ones






McHoff



Nom nom nom

So here we are, looking at the end of a very exciting season, with the best yet to be played. How will it all turn out? You'll have to stay with us until the very not-so-bitter end. While McHoff and McCapppo will be holding down the home Stadium, McKyle will be attacking the Minnesota region while I shall be going after the Indiana. And it's Halloween weekend, as well, so it should be a frighteningly good time.

Ba Da Ba Ba Booo,

McGomez

McGomez Issues Public Apology

Today, I made a blog post that went against everything McDonald's, Monopoly, & McDonald's Monopoly stand for. Furthermore, my post went against my team, my teammates, & all of the dedicated fans of McDonaldopoly. While there is no excuse for my statements, all I offer is my sincerest apologies and the hope that I can regain the trust of each and every one who was affected by my transgression.

No one cares more about this team more than I do, but my actions earlier today did not reflect my level of dedication. My remarks came off as ungrateful and disloyal, and for that, I am deeply regretful. The comments were made out of desperation and do not align with my true feelings about McDonald's, my team, and the fans.

I met with team management earlier today and have apologized behind closed doors to my teammates. And I am extremely fortunate to have such great teammates, for they have decided to allow me to continue to be a member of this great organization. For my transgressions, I have been fined a "Free Breakfast Sandwich" and have been suspended from a future contest. While I never like to miss playing the game that I love with the team I would go to battle for, I will face my punishment like the man I must be.

This time has been very hard on myself, my family, and the entire McDonaldopoly organization, but before we all move past this unfortunate time, I would like to apologize once more to everyone who was affected by my carelessness. To the Stadium McDonald's crew, the McDonaldopoly organization, and most importantly, the fans of McDonaldopoly, I am truly sorry for the comments I made earlier today. And believe me when I say that I'm Lovin' It and that I Play to Win!

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaa,

McGomez

Day 18: Talking 'Bout Feelings

I've gone to McDonald's three times since my last blog and I've gotta say, it's starting to wear on me. As you may have gathered from my previous posts, I was an eager up-and-comer this season and, a la Brennan Boesch, enjoyed some impressive early season results. Like any great performer, though, getting to the top was easy, but sustaining that success has proven to be much more difficult.

On Tuesday, when McCappo and I went out to get our hands on the elusive McRib but, as some of you may have heard, my average slid 48 points, dropping me from 1st to 3rd on the team. One bad outing has left me just a smidge above .300 - 0-7 nights can do that to ya. While I acknowledge that my season average is better than the MOPA (McDonald's Overall Predicted Average), I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned.

Lately I've been having some really strange urges - or lack thereof. Like the other day, I was thinking about redeeming one of my free medium fries, but chose to abstain because the fries weren't appealing to me. Additionally, I saw a Subway ad on TV and my mouth began to water just looking at their $5 Footlong. These strange and new thoughts are definitely messing with my game. How could they not? They're distracting. I mean, there was no way that I was going to actually go out and get Subway, but I was kind of attracted to [the ad]. Wanting Subway is wrong; I like McDonald's. Just not...all the time. College is so confusing...

Anyway, last night I had a resurgence of sorts. Actually, I had one of my better nights, going 2-4 with 2 Free Smoothies. It was good to get back on track again and it was even better that the team set a new franchise record with 20 medium waters in a single order.

But then this morning, it was back to the bad. I went 0-2 on my first two hash browns of the season, and that wasn't even the worst part. I redeemed one of my free breakfast sandwiches (a Sausage & Egg McMuffin) and I was utterly disgusted by it. I didn't like it and I didn't feel like myself when I was eating it. I couldn't figure out what was going on with me. All of these weird feelings about the McDonald's that I was supposed to like were messing me up. That's when I turned to the internet for some answers.

I joined some forums, went into some chat rooms, even asked Yahoo! Answers a few questions. Fortunately, there were a lot of people out there who have gone through exactly what I'm going through now. It's really comforting to know that you aren't alone in this world.

I started emailing "Pat," who works at an H&M in San Francisco. Pat grew up in Garden City, home of the first dine-in McDonald's in the world, and said that, as a result, there was tremendous pressure put on everyone in the town to like McDonald's. Pat wasn't like the other children in Garden City, though. Sure, Pat liked eating out as much as the next kid, but simply preferred pizza to burgers and fries. One day, Pat told Pat's parents that they liked Little Caesar's more than McDonald's - and they flipped. Pat's dad kicked Pat out of their house and Pat's mom wouldn't stop crying. As a result, Pat ended up having to shack up with Pat's older sister, Morgana, in SF where Pat's been ever since. It was a sad tale, but Pat told me that everything gets better once you're honest with yourself and that life's never been better.

Pat's story would have helped me out, save for the fact that I don't like pizza. Pizza to me is kind of like McDonald's: I eat it fairly often, it's a big part of my life, but I don't actually like it. And that's when I came to this conclusion: my life is filled with things I don't really like, and I just need to man up and deal with it. Wait a second, do I smell another list?

McGOMEZ's TOP 5 FAVORITE THINGS
HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE:
1) Spending Time With People: I get lonely sometimes, but then when I'm around other people, all I want to do is go back to my room and make songs with my viola and a cup filled with rice by myself
2) Movies: They intrigue me, but then I can't sit still after the first 20 minutes
3) Pizza: It's a staple in every lower to upper-class male's diet, but I don't like cheese, I don't like sauce, and I don't really like the crust
4) McDonald's: I'm going there like 6 times a week and writing a frickin' blog about McDonald's, but I hate greasy food and am unimpressed with their french fries as of late
5) Nutri-Grain Bars: They're so convenient when you're looking to eat something filling when I'm on-the-run, but the grains get stuck to the roof of my mouth and in my back molars

Yeah, so I'm probably overreacting during the dog days of the season. I know the team needs my head to be in the right place so I can perform well and that I've still got some good, injury replacement all-star stats to fall back on. I have to stop being so emo. I've just got to learn to ignore that damn temptress, Subway. I've come TOO FAR to let a stinkin' footlong shorten my success.

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaa,

McGomez

P.S. That picture of the girl wearing the "$5 Footlong" shirt doesn't make any sense...at least, I hope not.

Day 13: McGomez On the Road, Is a Tooth

Growing up in middle America, my family did not possess the riches necessary to afford a private hangar at the luxurious Oakland County Airport. However, like any other family trying to achieve the American Dream, we would go on vacations to see the country, sea to shining sea. And we'd get there via road trips.


That's not actually my family, but this is:


We like to think of ourselves as a more euphoric version of the Boxcar Children.

Anyway, point is I went on a road trip this weekend to America's Heartland and back. But neither my time spent in Iowa nor my pit-stop in the South Side of Chicago could match the excitement and allure of my McDonald's stop in Jackson, MI. It was the first stop my van made, but we made it count. Well, I did, anyway.

I wasn't extremely hungry at the time, but my vanmates were eager to eat, so I said to them, "why not stop at McDonald's?"

"That's quite an argument," said nobody but thought them all.

We went through the drive-thru like it was any old thing, but that's where my tale begins to unwind. It wasn't just "any old thing" - this was a huge thing.

As usual, I ordered my four medium waters. I reached into my wallet to retrieve my golden dollar (an 1854 Small Indian Head golden dollar, to be precise) but that proved to be an utter waste of time. That's right, folks: IT WAS FREE!!!

To put this into perspective...

McGOMEZ's TOP 5 FAVORITE THINGS:
1) Space Jam
2) His Mama
3) Free Medium Waters
4) Candy
5) Girls in White Dresses w/ Blue Satin Sashes

Needless to say this was pretty exciting to get my #3 most favorite thing in the world for free. If only I didn't have to pay for #5...

But that's not where the excitement ended. While I will admit I didn't have a McGomez outing that the fans have come to expect this season, I made my lone hit count. I went 1-4 with a free 3 month subscription to Pogo.com. That's a fairly valuable prize, especially when you consider that I didn't have to pay a dime to get it. Even though my season average dipped a bit, I'm still clinging to my team lead with a .348 average - both McCappo and McKyle biting at my heels.

But we're all teammates, right? There's no competition between us.
None. What. So. Ever.

And for those of you who wanted to know, I tried out my free Pogo.com subscription Saturday night in my hotel and it's not so great. Pogo is a games website where you can play board games, cards, & puzzles online against other (presumably) paying Pogoers.

Why anyone would pay for this website is beyond me. I played three hands of euchre before I quit. Every single time, someone called for a loner before it even came to me to call. That's crap.
***If you're not from Michigan, this should help you understand better***

I must have been the tooth because he hasn't looked at his cards yet and the princess, cactus, and gopher are still playing anyway.

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaa,

McGomez

Day 10: Yo No Quiero Taco Bell

Today, I experienced my first taste of discriMcnation. As I was in the middle of a rabble-rousin' session of McDonaldopoly-promotion, when someone noted that "McSpic's should be going to Taco Bell, not McDonald's."

Well let me tell you, I do like Taco Bell, but only once in awhile. But McDonald's...man, that shizz is for all time.

Today we did another post-practice McD's run, which is great for me because I'm always hungry then. Only sometimes - like today - I get too hungry and jump the gun. Call me feeble, call me weak, call me Ishmael, but so what? I pre-ate the McDonald's trip. Sue me. I shouldn't be getting anything besides medium waters, anyway.

The entire team hopped into the team bus and headed over-

***THIS JUST IN: McKYLE JUST CALLED ME A McSPIC!!!!***

I am just too fuming mad to continue this post. I can't believe I've been discriMcnated against by a stranger and a teammate in the same day.

Eh, I'm over it. But it is late so I am gonna speed up this blog.

As McHoff is still peeling below the Mendoza Line - embarrassing, I know - I have been riding high ever since I took over the team lead in batting. Some might say that I let it go to my head, but as we all know, players like McGomez who have to scrap their way to the top never let their ego get in the way of the task at hand. I'm in it to win it, and damnit, no one will stop me. No way. Nope.

I will admit, today, McKyle was in the zone. He raised his season average to a respectable .364, which is good for him. However, with my personal pride at stake, I had to play extra hard tonight to remain the top performer of the season.

It was tough out there tonight. The elements were killing me, with that constant drizzle and all. I had a hard time gripping my medium waters. To top it all off, the McDonald's cashier threw us a curveball when he said they were closed. Luckily, the manager came in and sorted everything all out and allowed us to play. I fought off the adversity and was able to come away with a 1-3 night, bringin my season average at the end of the night to a marvelous .368 average!

I'm not one to brag, but to have that high of an average this late into the season is impressive for Hall of Fame-caliber players. Move over Ichiro, it's McGomez Time!

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaa,

McGomez

Day 8: Brooks, Bob, & Bejeebies

Yesterday was extremely hard for me. My beloved Bravos fell to the San Francisco Giants, knocking them out of the playoffs and ending an era of greatness by Atlanta skipper, and one of my many boyhood idols, Bobby Cox. The whole series was very frustrating for me, as the Braves struggled to score runs and hold onto the slim leads they did gain. But all in all, when I look back on a season in which they weren't even expected to be competitive, what I've learned is this: BROOKS CONRAD SUCKS!!!

Like any rational baseball fan, I decided to do my mourning with some Mickey D's. Fortunately, McCappo decided to accompany me so I wouldn't do anything dire in my moments of sorrow. I wasn't depressed, but I guess I was so upset because of the way the Braves lost the series. They really did have so many opportunities to win their last two games and win the series themselves. But as the great Bob Newhart once said:

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

Next time, Brooks Conrad needs to stop giggling like a little girl, get to where that damn ball is and catch it! But I digress...

So I'm at McDonald's, right? And it's closed, see? So McCappo and I rumble on through the drive-thru and place our orders. This is my first time at our new home field (Stadium), so I was able to get my first medium waters in quite awhile. We also redeemed some of our previously earned prizes. I got a medium fry and a Reese's McFlurry fo free.

When we returned home to peel our winnings, I was kind of nervous. I had been doing alright this year, but I was only a little above average and was still only third on the team. Like I've said in previous posts, I have held high expectations for myself this season, and I didn't believe I was living up to them. Then, something changed...
I peel off a Free Medium Fry from my McNuggets. Two pulls later, I pull a Free Breakfast Sandwich. All of a sudden I'm batting 2-4 on the day and am poised for a big jump in my statistics. That's when lightning struck...

Fortunately it missed the house but it scared the bejeebies out of us - it wasn't supposed to storm that night (must have been heat lightning). At any rate, I was able to re-compose myself to make the biggest pull of my career (as of 10/12/2010): A Free Smoothie!

Well knock me down and steal ma teeth. I never had me one of dem derr McDonald's s'moothies befo'. Dis' is gon' be gooder'n grits!

In the end, my McDonald's success helped make my day pretty good. It was such a good day for me (3-5), that I ended up taking the team lead with a .375 average. Those are Hall of Fame numbers in my opinion. Yessir, I'm feeling pretty good about that. I still hate Brooks Conrad though.

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaa...

McGomez