Day 3: There's Actually No Place Like Home

When I was growing up and got picked on at school by all of the "jealous" kids, I knew that when I got home, my mom would make me dinner and kiss my social boo-boos goodbye.

When I skinned my knee and got mud down my shorts from slide-tackling too hard at soccer practice, I knew that when I got home, a warm shower would wash away the dirt and blood and leave me ready to go at it again.

When McDonald's Monopoly threatened to lighten my wallet from their tempting marketing schemes coaxing me into wanting to buy their products just so I could get some monopoly pieces, I knew I could always just go to my usual Ann Arbor Mickey D's and buy 8 medium waters for like $2 total. After all, home never lets you down. That is, of course, until today.

Oh, you better believe it: I ordered me some of dem medium waters. I ordered dem real good, now. But the cashier informed that they now charge medium waters like they were any old medium soft drink because "they have the monopoly pieces on them."

THE HELL WITH THAT!!!!!!!

So I only got one medium water at full price. But then I filled it up with Powerade just to stick it to 'em. Jajajajaja

If we're looking for any positives, I went 1-3 with a Free McFlurry to bring my season average to a respectable .273, higher than where Jay Mariotti expected me to be but still lower than where I know I'll be by the end of this whole thing.

But back to this whole medium water garbage...

This whole medium water deal is garbage. I mean, what's their deal? Don't they know if the home field doesn't support their players, the team will find a place that will? Well I'm just gonna tell you flat out that I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. That's right, the McDonaldopoly Team is relocating.

Where might that be? You'll just have to stay tuned to find out. All I know is that there are plenty of other McDonald's out there who won't charge medium soft drink prices for medium waters, and I'm sure they'll be happy to have our business in the future.

@AnnArborMcDonald's: You'll be missing out on a whole lotta McGomez

I don't even care that wherever our new Home McDonald's is located will easily add at least another 10 minutes of travel time to my already busy day. That just means I have to make up that time by watching 10 less minutes of Seinfeld a day. And in all seriousness, an hour and fifty minutes of the same syndicated sitcom is probably enough for anyone.

That really is a lot of Seinfeld. Why do I watch so much Seinfeld these days? I never used to watch it that much. The plots are ridiculous and the characters are horrible people. But I do like it; it always makes me laugh. I suppose that's why I like it and watch it so much: it's reliable. It never lets me down. There's nothing like Seinfeld and there's no place like home - wherever that may be.

Ba Da Ba Ba Bye Bye Ann Arbor McDonald's,

McGomez