McCappo's Health Situation

Last weekend I drove to Naval Station Great Lakes for a pre-commissioning physical.  They had the gall to order me not to eat for 12 hours preceding the physical.  After our blood work (there were five future submariners in total), we all decided a celebratory trip to the friendly on-base McDonald's was in order.  Following my McChurger and McDouble (I was feeling a might peckish having not eaten since the day before), I reported for the second part of my physical. 

This second part happened to include an EKG.  As I lay on the table with electrodes wired to my nipples, I wondered what was taking so long.  After the operator called in the technician and then the doctor, I got a little worried--worried I wasn't going to get out in time to hit the McDonald's up before it closed.  They asked me if I had any chest pain.  Of course I said no.  I exercise my arteries regularly by forcing them to overcome copious amounts of McDonald's.  I may not be a cardiologist, but as I understand it, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  So I figure my heart is probably about as strong as a small whale's.  Anyway, they finally told me what was going on. 

EKG - Showing signs of mild infarction

"It say's you've had a heart attack." 

Well this was news to me.  You would think I would know if I'd had a heart attack.  They agreed; I should have noticed if I had had a heart attack.  Upon further assurance that I had not had a heart attack, they decided to send my EKG results to the cardiologist who would look over it further.  Having not heard back from them, I'm assuming they're feeling mighty silly right about now and don't want to mention how they thought I had a heart attack.

Don't worry folks, I assure you I am fit as a fiddle and my off-season training regiment is as rigorous as always (I scored an Outstanding Low on my Physical Readiness Test and a Second Class on my Combat Fitness Test, a mere 3 seconds shy of First Class).  I promise I will be ready to go by next season and regardless of what the analysts say, I should be everyone's number one pick in their fantasy drafts next year.

I'm lovin' it,

McCappo

Angus Snack Wrapping it Up

As you already heard from McGomez, we got snowed on our final game.  Both the Ypsi and Carpenter McDonald's shut us down.  But that doesn't mean it wasn't an all-in-all successful season...well, maybe it wasn't what I'd hoped for...alright, the reason I'm not writing till now is I've been FURIOUS.  We had so much potential, we were playing great and just waiting for our big break.  And we couldn't even get an at-bat on the last day of the season.  While I'll let McHoff break down the economic estimates, here are some of the stats you've been waiting for:

PLAYER AVERAGES!!!

As you can see, McKyle started off smokin' and just caught fire down the stretch.  He had a league leading .333 average.  I gave him a run for his money hitting .318, while McGomez, after falling off his early season pace, still held it together enough to beat the league average at .278.  And then there's McHoff.  The coaches just kept waiting for this salty vet  to live up to his potential, but he never recovered batting a lowly .116 that makes even Mario Menodza cringe.  Regardless, the team's off-season training still helped us keep a .265 average throughout the season.

Item Breakdown

As you can see, the Entrees did have a higher winning percentage.  Our theory that winners are on more expensive items is still possible, even though they have the lowest profit margin for McDonald's.   I mean, if I were McDonald's, I wouldn't want to see someone win a $1,000,000 on a medium coke.  I want a picture for the news of a happy customer taking a bit out of a Big Mac with a giant grin on his (or her) face.  However, another theory we came up with was that McDonald's front-loads the winners.  That is to say, they put more winners in the earlier batch of items so that players get excited by winning and keep coming back throughout the promotion.  You'll have to see what happens next year for conclusive evidence.

This Player's Opinion

After a season that started out with so much promise but fell apart down the stretch, I'm sure you're all wondering, what are the experts taking away from the season?  Personally, I think I was robbed.  I mean, I led in hits 36 to 16, I won online wins racking up an amazing 1800 coke points, and I had an impressive .318 average, barely missing the Triple Crown because McKyle had an unbelievable year.  That's a hall of fame season if I've ever seen one.  And all I got from McDonald's was a $5 Walmart gift card and I got to taste the McRib a week early?  Really McDonald's?  That's what you're going to give the league MVP (at least, I think I was the MVP, we're still waiting for the votes to be cast)?  They couldn't at least toss me a $50 win?  A Shell Gas Card?  Nothing?

Anyway, moving on: as many of you may have seen, McEve Treoh requested an interview with the team for a piece on McDonald's Monopoly for NPR's Marketplace.  You may be upset to see that we did not end up on Marketplace.  Following the McDonaldopoly's depressing performance in the midterm elections (receiving only 4 votes for the Circuit Court Judge in Michigan's 36th Precinct), we thought this was the perfect opportunity to rebound in the public's eye.  However, following our initial enthusiasm, we looked a little further.  After consulting Reuters, we found that this wasn't quite the opportunity we initially thought.  In fact, 47% of Marketplace's listeners refuse to eat at McDonald's, 63% don't know what a "McChurger" is, and a whopping 97% don't think McDonald's is synonymous with America.  We just couldn't accept an interview with such a hostile audience on such short notice.  We'd had to have prepared a defense, counter-arguments, and we'd just have needed a larger support base before charging into the Lion's Den like that.  Again, McEve, we greatly appreciate the offer, and perhaps next year, upon building up our support, we will gladly embrace your challenge.

So with that folks, I wrap up my Senior Season with the University of Michigan McDonaldopoly team.  I'm looking forward to the draft and have high hopes that I can continue my success in the pros.  Take care and keep playing.

I'm lovin' it,

McCappo

The End of the 2010 Season

Whenever you start something as far-fetched as McDonaldopoly, it's hard to tell what will come of it. Will anybody read it? Will they think it's funny? Will they follow us? Will anybody care?

As I recount the past month of McDonald's Monopoly, I realize that I gained so much more than the memories of driving to our home "Stadium" 10 minutes until close every night, ordering 20 medium waters + $17 of free food we won off of the previous week's trips, and returning home to pull our game pieces. Actually, that's all I gained because I had been playing 2 hours of water polo everyday so I burned off all those calories. Hey, how ya feelin' McHoff, McKyle, & McCappo?
Over the weekend, I traveled to Purdue University for a water polo tournament, and my other team stopped off at a McDonald's in La Grange, IN on the way down. Mind you, it was the final weekend of the granddaddy of all McPromotions, and the La Grangians came in droves for the occasion. This provided a very positive atmosphere to play in, which is key when you're playing a road game. While they denied me a medium water purchase, they couldn't hinder the rest of my plays, as I went 2-3 amongst the Hoosiers to bring my season average up to a respectable .274.

Upon returning to the Dirty Deuce (Ann Arbor for our out-of-state readers), I met up with the team for one final match on Monday, November 1st - the last day of McDonald's Monopoly 2010.

Having learned a few days earlier that the Stadium McDonald's had "run out" of medium drinks with monopoly pieces on them (I wonder why?), we turned to the Ypsi McDonald's for our last hurrah.

After we each put in our orders for our last batch of free food items we had won, McCappo asked for "20 medium waters, please."

"Whaaaaat!?!?!?"

The cashier clearly had not been briefed on our high skill levels, but he put in the order nonetheless. After we got through the paying portion of the journey, we headed for the pick-up window, where we were greeted by 20 small waters. Aw, hell no.

So we drove back around to clarify the situation only receive 20 medium waters sans pieces from quite the unappreciative worker. After all we have done for McD's, we are still getting grief from them. I'm telling you, they should seriously consider adopting a McDonald's version of the Starbuck's gold card just for us - we've earned it.

We actually tried going to the Washtenaw McDonald's after our disheartening Ypsi visit, but we were unable to obtain any pieces there, either. With our resources all dried out, we came to a sad conclusion: our run...was done.

I'm gonna let the McOthers handle the final statistical breakdown of this season, but I would like to turn your focus (for now) towards next season. As such, I would like to introduce to you...

McGOMEZ's TOP 5 PREDICTIONS FOR 2011 McDONALDOPOLY:
1) McHoff will rebound from his disappointing 2010 campaign only to have his highlight reel pull of Ventnor Avenue voided after the tapes reveal he had worked in an area McDonald's over the off-season.

2) McKyle will retire at the end of the season when rehabbing his every-growing hips proves to be more difficult than initially assumed. However, midway through the 2011 season, when McChieber - McKyle's replacement - is charged as an accessory to the Hamburglar's horrendous Harrisburg Happy Meal Heist, McKyle Brett Farves it out of retirement to bat .387 down the stretch.

3) McCappo, upon overcoming his addiction to McDonald's, becomes a spokesperson for the fast-food awareness organization Cholesterol Unawareness is Maddening...and no one really believes him.

4) McGomez tries to overcome his PR flap in 2010 (see Frygate) by batting over .400 for the first 3 weeks of the season. However, a visit to a local improv comedy show ends in a busted gut for McGomez and an abrupt ending to his fairy tale season. However, his pre-injury performace regains his favor with the fans and his jersey sales go through the roof.

5) We still won't understand why we are doing this.

Well, that's the end of the 2010 season. I hope you enjoyed watching as much as we enjoyed playing. Don't leave us just yet, though, because there is plenty of shocking statistical analysis to follow. In addition, stay tuned as we are sure to explore other easy-to-obsess-over activities until the start of the 2011 McDonaldopoly season.

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaa,

McGomez